I Said GLU-lam!

George Bernard Shaw famously said, "The single best problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

I've worn out countless red pens marking up engineers' memos so they actually say what the engineer thinks it says.  It's like there's a crystal clear picture of exactly what the engineer's thinking in an imaginary bubble floating over his head as he writes.  Unfortunately, that picture can get lost in translation and there may be an entirely different picture in the imaginary bubble floating over the head of the person reading it.  When this happens, you get situations like these (click here).

One helpful rule of communication I learned at home as a kid:  "Better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt".

Try Plotting at a Smaller Scale

If only it was this easy!  It reminds me of the carpenter who cut the board twice and it was still too short.

...and the related story my dad used to tell of the new guy on the construction crew who cuts the board too short so his boss sends him to the superintendent to ask for a "board stretcher".

...or the electrician who instructs his apprentice to "wipe up the voltage drops".

...or the engineer who's told his design is an ID 10 T solution.

...or the new attorney who's sent to fetch a stack of "verbal agreement forms".

Expert Advice

Like the old saying goes, you don't have to be crazy to be in this industry, but it helps.

I feel like I can relate to this guy - especially when I'm in Lowes or Home Depot (my favorite stores) browsing for seemingly unrelated parts for some creative new home improvement project (one of my favorite things to do).   Once, and only once, I made the mistake of trying to explain to a helpful Lowes employee what I was doing.  "So you're gonna take this electrical conduit and pound the ends flat and bolt it to this thing and use it as a what?" The more I tried to explain, the more perplexed he became.  It didn't take me long to realize that whenever anyone asks me if I need help, the best course of action is to quickly say, "Nope, I'm good thanks", and then go back to talking to myself.

For another cartoon relating to the mental health of design professionals, click here.

Too Much Stress

After a lifetime in the construction industry, both as a structural engineer and as a builder, I've learned that there's always more than one way to solve a problem - and often the builder has the better idea. 

...but I'm not so sure about this guy.

Other brilliant things I've learned:  measure twice, cut once; the north arrow does not mean "this side up"; the boss may not always be right, but the boss is always the boss; treat people how you want to be treated; and all's well that ends.

You Think These Things Grow on Trees?

From the time I was about age 11, I spent a good part of summer vacations at the construction site building houses with my dad who had a small construction company.  One day we were framing a house and had just nailed down the plywood over the floor framing.  Dad told me to go down and throw up some studs so we could start framing the walls.  After waiting a few minutes and no studs, he walked over to the edge to see what was the hold-up.  As soon as he appeared over the edge of the house, I bent over and began retching and heaving loudly as if I was trying to vomit.  Finally I looked up and said, "Dad, I've tried and tried but I just can't 'throw up' any studs".  We had a good laugh, and then it was back to work.

Unlike this guy, we never had a crane to lift our trusses.  Instead, we hefted them up by hand one at a time.  It was always a relief when the roof trusses were all safely standing in place.

Big Enough Fer The Both of Us

If only they'd built those old west towns a bit bigger, there might have been a lot fewer gunfights. 

I can see it now:  Two rough characters square off at twenty paces in the middle of town wearing tool belts and slinging nail guns.  "This here town just ain't big enough fer the both of us", one would say, "so me 'n my gang'll start buildin' over there and you'n yer gang c'n build over here." 

Jedi Construction Tricks

I guess you can't blame this guy for trying.  The inspector's probably thinking to himself, "You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I'm an inspector.  Mind tricks don't work on me.  Only right. No right, no pass!"

Sometimes we humble engineers are asked to work some Jedi magic, like when we get an urgent phone call from the jobsite with the superintendent on the other end saying, "We accidentally forgot to put any rebar in the footings and walls and now the inspector won't pass us.  Can you just get me a letter for that?" 

For more cartoons with inspectors and "...can you get me a letter for that?" click here.

My Plan...

We need to get our politicians talking about the stuff that really matters - like this!  It reminds me of the speech Pedro Sanchez gave when he was running for class president in the movie Napoleon Dynamite:  "If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true. Thank you."

Seriously, I'm grateful to those brave souls who are willing to run for public office.  Let's just hope those who get elected remember that they're public servants, not the people's master.

CYA PPE

CYA (cover your a_ _ or as I say it, cover your "anatomy") is like the ridiculous warning label on a microwave oven that says, "NOT TO BE USED FOR DRYING PETS".  The reason for this CYA PPE is usually blamed on our "litigious society", though statistics seem to indicate that we may not be as litigious as we think.  Either way - reality or perception - the fear of litigation can lead to excessive caution, absurd warning labels, and a lot of CYA.   And when people act defensively for the sole reason of avoiding liability, it costs everyone time and money.

SUPER-intendent

This guy's obviously enthusiastic about his job title - and proud of it.  I say good for him!  If being super-enthusiastic and unashamed to show it makes you a nerd, then so be it.  As John Green observed, "When people call people nerds, mostly what they're saying is 'You like stuff', which is not an insult at all".  It's people who are super excited about things that make the world an interesting place.

Neil Armstrong was commander of Apollo 11 and the first man to set foot on the moon, yet he was a self-professed nerd who was in love with math and science and engineering. "I am," he said, "and ever will be, a white-socks, pocket protector, nerdy engineer. Born under the Second Law of Thermodynamics, ...in love with free body diagrams, transformed by Laplace and propelled by compressible flow... Science is about what is. Engineering is about what can be." (See a terrific short video with his complete quote here)

You go! Mr. SUPERintendent... We nerds need to stick together.

Conflict of Interest



I see no problem here...  This fox looks like he's a vegetarian.

Volume's waaaay up!

It feels like we have to compete with this guy a lot more than we should.  He's like the farmer who grew watermelons for $2.00 each, sold them for $1.75, and decided the way he could make more money was to get a bigger truck!

What Are You Thinking?

Occasionally builders complain (and sadly, sometimes justifiably so) that an engineer or architect they know can draw pretty pictures, but he doesn't have a clue how to actually build anything.  And it's worse when that engineer doesn't know he doesn't know and insists that the builder just "build it how it's drawn." 

...and it's even worse if the engineer can only communicate in "engineerese".

On the flip side, it's not uncommon to hear an engineer gripe that the builder on such and such a project needs a lot of "hand holding", or that he fires off dozens of "duh" RFIs which the engineer could answer with, "Did you not even look at the drawings?"

It's a love-hate relationship.  Depending on the day, mostly love.

It IS An Emergency!

You can't blame the poor guy.  He's got his trailer onsite and his crews and equipment ready to go.  All he needs now is the construction drawings so he can git 'er dun. 

Unfortunately, the design team is still revising the revised version of the last revisions that will now need to be revised once the owner stops changing his mind.  ...again.

For more "It's an emergency!" cartoons, click here or here.

Safety First!

Anyone who's spent time at a construction site - especially in the old days - has seen people do some pretty dumb things at one time or another.  I could be wrong, but it seems this guy's not strictly following OSHA regulations. At least he's wearing a hard hat and steel toed boots!  Here's hoping he makes it to day 5.

Round-Off Error

This reminds me of a clever ad I saw in an engineering magazine a few years back that depicted construction workers who were erecting a bridge from opposite sides of a canyon.  Where the two halves met in the middle, they were misaligned by a few feet and the construction workers stood there scratching their heads.  Each side was blaming the other for the mess-up.

Missing

We're often called upon to do the impossible: predict precisely when the owner will get his building permit.  We may know about how long it's recently been taking on average to get through the system, but each project is different.  In the minds of some owners, any "guesstimate" we offer is a firm commitment.

Sometimes a desperate owner will insist we "do something to get me my permit".  Surely "you  can make a phone call or go down there and..." 

We might be able to call in a favor now and then, but really there's not much we can do to expedite the permitting process - put together a complete set of documents is the main thing (though even that's no guarantee our plans won't get nit-picked to death by an overzealous planchecker).  For the most part we have to wait in line just like everyone else. 

Maybe this idea will speed things up.

__________________________________________________________________________________ 

Credit for this one goes to an email from Matt Ryba, CEO of TWC Construction:

 

Brent,

I thought I would share the humor in an email I sent to [our roof truss supplier and installer] when they missed their truss delivery date.  I don't know if you take suggestions on your cartoons but several people have suggested I forward to you.

        Rob,

        "I was in the Quick Mart this morning getting coffee and I saw this in the cooler"

Final Notice!

Consultants are in a tough spot.  We don't get paid until our client gets paid -and if he gets stiffed, we're usually also out of luck.  To add to it, some people view the architect and engineer as no recourse, zero-interest lending institutions who will finance their project on a handshake for an indefinite period until they "get funding."  If the funding never comes through - "Sorry about that.  But good news! I have this other project I'd like you to fund, er I mean do.  When can you get started?"

Went With Plan B

Another in a line of cartoons about the folly of choosing "cheap" design services and assuming you're actually saving money.  As long as some people continue to do it, I'll continue to find ways to mock it.

For more "cheap" cartoons, click here.

It's Just a Simple...

Anyone who prepares estimates or fee proposals knows this scenario: You get an RFP for a potential project with a vague description (and, if you're lucky, a rough sketch) and you're asked to provide a fixed all-inclusive precise unwavering fee for all necessary services to see this nebulous project through to completion.

In early 1998, we were asked to quote a structural fee for "just a simple 4,500 square foot restaurant". Little did we know the eventual complexity of the project or that the architect was "going for an award on this one" - a fact we discovered during repeated changes during design. In the end, the project turned out very well, the architect won his award...

...and our final job cost was about 10 times our fee.