Red Meat

I love a good ribeye, and if eating red meat is unhealthy, then I guess I'll take my chances.

Reminds me of the guy who asked his doctor, "Will live into my 80s?"

"Depends," said the doctor. "Do you smoke? Drink? Use drugs? Spend time in the sun? Drive fast cars? Chase women? Eat red meat?"

"No, no, no, I don't do any of that," he replied.

The doctor was astonished.  "Then...what do you have to live for?"

Desk is Empty

...or is it a sign of genius?

Does a little chaos foster creativity, or does it hinder the ability to focus? 

I need a tidy and orderly workspace.  Those who find chaos stimulating may say I'm just too lazy to look for my stuff.  

They're probably not wrong.

Nothing Would Make You Happier

I can relate to this guy.

My wife is the Santa in our house.  She buys dozens and dozens of thoughtful, carefully selected, and beautifully wrapped presents and personalized messages for dozens of people every Christmas.  

I only have to buy for her.  You'd think it would be easy.  

I know a guy who bought his wife a new hunting rifle.  She didn't hunt so she gave it back to him.  Genius move on his part!

Not Working From Home...

Many who work from home report working longer hours than they would if they were in the office.  Other workers can't seem to unplug, and they often bring work home.  With the 24-7 connection enabled by technology, the line between work time and personal time is easily blurred.  Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is a constant challenge, and what works for one person may be completely wrong for another.  

Reminds me of two engineers talking over the cubicle wall.  One says to the other, "I just read that, on average, architects are working a 60-hour week!"  The other engineer looks up and says, "Those lazy bums!  What are they doing with the rest of their time?"

Nothing is Impossible

 

Clearly it's not impossible to do nothing.  This guy is proof.  But there are those who actually do the impossible.

In 1895, heavier than air flight was impossible; then the Wright Brothers showed up on a beach at Kitty Hawk.  A sub- 4 minute mile was impossible until Roger Bannister proved otherwise in 1954.  In 1926, Philo Farnsworth's television invention was dismissed as financially impossible and a waste of time.  Edison's electric light bulb was described as a conspicuous failure, critics claimed the horseless carriage would never come into common use, and in 1949 it was claimed that we had reached the limits of what was possible to achieve with computer technology.

In the words of Nelson Mandela, "It always seems impossible until it's done."

Poor Communication Skills

 

It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't communicate well.  This also includes simply being accessible and responsive to clients and co-workers.

This guy at his next job interview: 

        HR:  I see you majored in communication. 

 
        This guy: No, miscommunication.  

        HR:  But it says on your resume, "Communication".  

        This guy:  See?

Introvert's Misery

We introverts need to stick together (separately)!

Sure, we may avoid social situations, but we're not all nerds.  Most of us function just fine socially, though it takes effort and leaves us feeling exhausted.  We're often quiet, reserved, thoughtful.  We don't seek attention.  We're not shy, we just need a reason to interact.  We're not rude, we'd just rather get to the point.  Without us, the world would have fewer scientists, engineers, musicians, artists, poets, doctors, philosophers, and writers.

And, we're more than two thirds of the population, so we're far from alone.  

If you are not an introvert, don't feel bad.  Nobody's perfect.

...the Revised Design

Good design requires the right people to do it, along with adequate time and budget.  A low-budget or rush design may still "work", but all too often problems during construction, change orders, and delays can make the final cost of the project many times greater than any up-front savings in design fee.

I've seen many well-intentioned but misguided souls willing to invest millions in their project, who believe they're saving money by skimping on the design phase.  It's a lesson that usually only has to be learned once - the hard way - but eventually everyone discovers that the bitterness of poor design remains long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten.

Built It Anyway...

I know that sometimes it really is easier to ask forgiveness than permission, but it can also come back to bite you.  In the case of building without a permit and hoping to ask forgiveness later, it's not uncommon for people to spend many times more to correct an un-permitted project once they get caught than it would have cost them had they just gotten a permit from the start.

An Engineer in Hell

The story goes that an engineer dies and is mistakenly sent to hell.  Before long, he's dissatisfied with the poor conditions in hell and he goes to work making improvements.  Soon hell no longer feels much like hell and the engineer has become very popular with the residents.  One day God calls down to Satan to see how things are going in hell.  "Everything's great!" Satan replies.  "We have air conditioning and cable TV and flushing toilets.  Who knows what my engineer will come up with next."  "You've got an engineer?!" says God.  "There's been a mistake!  Send him up here immediately or I'll sue!"  Satan smirks and replies, "And where do you think you're gonna find a lawyer?"

How Do I Block All Emails...

My in-box size could be cut in half if I could just stop all those emails with the "good news" about my inheritance of millions from some long lost rich Nigerian  relative - all I gotta do is send a copy of my ID and bank account number "entirely risk free" to Barrister so-and-so and he'll "secure the funds" and wire me my rightful share post haste!  Who are these people?  And more importantly, who are the numskulls who respond to these emails?  Somebody must be doing it.  It's probably this guy.

I Don't Mean to be Condescending

This old guy seems to have forgotten that today's young whipper snapper just may be his boss tomorrow.  Reminds me of an experience early in my engineering career...

As a rookie engineer, I had completed the structural design for a large custom home in Las Vegas.  A plan check letter came back from the building department with a requirement that dozens of straps be added in unusual and completely unnecessary locations.  My supervisor agreed with me that there was no structural reason for adding those straps.  Nevertheless, I couldn't get the plan checker to acquiesce.  In desperation, I went to the building department to discuss the issue face to face with the plan checker.  When I asked him to help me understand why these straps were needed, he offered no explanation other than to condescendingly sneer down at me and exclaim, "That's engineering!" as if to imply, "Everyone that knows anything knows that."  Out of desperation to get building department sign-off, I reluctantly added the unnecessary straps to the plans.  In a gratifying twist of karma, several years later when my own structural engineering firm had grown to be one of the largest in the region, that same plan checker sent me his resume looking for a job.  He was not hired.

Whenever I'm inclined to treat someone less than well, I try to remember the words of the poem by C. R. Gibson:

                        "I have wept in the night
                         At my shortness of sight
                         That to other's needs made me blind,
                         But I never have yet
                         Felt a twinge of regret
                         For being a little too kind."

About Half Work Here

There's the occasional news story where they discover some government worker who collects pay and benefits but hasn't shown up for work in years.  Much more common is the person who retires on the job - they quit and stay - show up for work but do nothing.

Despite the potential for abuse, I've never been one for time clocks or tight supervision.  I've always believed that the best people don't need to be tightly managed - just give them the objective, provide training and resources and a good environment, set up ways to measure performance and success, and then get out of their way.

We Pass the Savings on to You

I love the one about the boss who asks the employee, "Who's the stupid one, me or you?" to which the employee responds, "Everyone knows you don't hire stupid people!"

Despite this guy's misguided strategy, experienced people know that you get the best results when you hire the best. For more cartoons making fun of the notion that you save money by hiring less-than-the-best, click here.

A Quick Meeting Prior to the Preliminary Meeting...

We all know that it takes a really good meeting to be better than no meeting at all.  This guy is definitely not one of us!

A few years ago, I came across the book "Death by Meeting" by Patrick Lencioni and had to buy it.  I can't remember a thing the book said, but the title was irresistable.

Credit for this cartoon idea goes to Brent Bauman, Architectural Project Manager at Pulte Group Southern California Division.

Delta 4

Maybe this is how it was done?  ...seems plausible to me.

I'm no expert on this, but from what I've been able to observe, the vast majority of the human race appear to be a Delta 3 model.  I do know one or two people who I suspect of being a Delta 1 or Delta 2.  It seems only a select few have advanced to Delta 4.

Who Do We Blame?

Am I the only one who's seen this?

Construction is a tough business. No design is ever perfect and no building is ever perfectly built. Most of the time everyone understands this and the design and construction teams cooperate and get the job done.  But occasionally, when stuff goes wrong, fingers start to point - usually at whoever's not in the room.

For a related cartoon, click here.

Work From Home

I know lots of people do it, but I've never worked from home so I can only assume that this cartoon is accurate.  I do know that if I worked from home I'd be dressed verrrrry comfortably - like this guy (minus the tie).  Let's just hope they don't ask him to stand up and introduce himself to the team.

For another work from home cartoon click here.

Working Like a Dog

How the heck did the term "work like a dog" come to mean working really hard?  With the exception of sled dogs and some service animals, I've never seen man's best friend actually work all that hard. On the other hand, most dogs are really good at playing hard, which is usually followed by a good nap.  I can relate to that.

Sleep Mode

It's hard to blame this guy.  Sleep mode, low energy windows, zero energy homes and offices, energy saver mode... makes me tired just thinking about it.  Why don't they have a "high energy" mode or a "stand back 'cause this thing's about to go crazy" mode on that stuff?  Just think of the increase in productivity - after a heavy lunch or about 3:00 in the afternoon or on Fridays, hit that high energy mode button and everyone in the office instantly feels like they just drank a quart of Red Bull.

For more "low energy" cartoons, click here.