Should Really Meet Frank

 

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and clearly the beauty of some things is enhanced for those with poor vision.  Take, for example, the man who sued the hospital after his wife had surgery there because she was no longer attracted to him.  Turns out his wife had cataract surgery, and all the hospital did was fix her eyesight.

Reminds me of a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer who were golfing buddies.  One day they found themselves stuck behind an agonizingly slow group of the worst golfers they'd ever seen.  Out of frustration, they storm into the clubhouse to complain.

"They're retired firefighters who lost their eyesight saving orphans from a burning building.  They love to golf, so we let them play for free," said the manager.

"As a man of God, I feel terrible for getting angry at those men," said the priest, ashamed of himself.  "At my next sermon, I'll pass around a collection plate for their families."

"And I'll have my law firm open a case to get them restitution for their injuries," said the lawyer.

The engineer says, "Why can't they just play at night?"
 

Not Working From Home...

Many who work from home report working longer hours than they would if they were in the office.  Other workers can't seem to unplug, and they often bring work home.  With the 24-7 connection enabled by technology, the line between work time and personal time is easily blurred.  Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is a constant challenge, and what works for one person may be completely wrong for another.  

Reminds me of two engineers talking over the cubicle wall.  One says to the other, "I just read that, on average, architects are working a 60-hour week!"  The other engineer looks up and says, "Those lazy bums!  What are they doing with the rest of their time?"

Nothing is Impossible

 

Clearly it's not impossible to do nothing.  This guy is proof.  But there are those who actually do the impossible.

In 1895, heavier than air flight was impossible; then the Wright Brothers showed up on a beach at Kitty Hawk.  A sub- 4 minute mile was impossible until Roger Bannister proved otherwise in 1954.  In 1926, Philo Farnsworth's television invention was dismissed as financially impossible and a waste of time.  Edison's electric light bulb was described as a conspicuous failure, critics claimed the horseless carriage would never come into common use, and in 1949 it was claimed that we had reached the limits of what was possible to achieve with computer technology.

In the words of Nelson Mandela, "It always seems impossible until it's done."

Poor Communication Skills

 

It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't communicate well.  This also includes simply being accessible and responsive to clients and co-workers.

This guy at his next job interview: 

        HR:  I see you majored in communication. 

 
        This guy: No, miscommunication.  

        HR:  But it says on your resume, "Communication".  

        This guy:  See?

...the Revised Design

Good design requires the right people to do it, along with adequate time and budget.  A low-budget or rush design may still "work", but all too often problems during construction, change orders, and delays can make the final cost of the project many times greater than any up-front savings in design fee.

I've seen many well-intentioned but misguided souls willing to invest millions in their project, who believe they're saving money by skimping on the design phase.  It's a lesson that usually only has to be learned once - the hard way - but eventually everyone discovers that the bitterness of poor design remains long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten.

How Do I Block All Emails...

My in-box size could be cut in half if I could just stop all those emails with the "good news" about my inheritance of millions from some long lost rich Nigerian  relative - all I gotta do is send a copy of my ID and bank account number "entirely risk free" to Barrister so-and-so and he'll "secure the funds" and wire me my rightful share post haste!  Who are these people?  And more importantly, who are the numskulls who respond to these emails?  Somebody must be doing it.  It's probably this guy.

I Don't Mean to be Condescending

This old guy seems to have forgotten that today's young whipper snapper just may be his boss tomorrow.  Reminds me of an experience early in my engineering career...

As a rookie engineer, I had completed the structural design for a large custom home in Las Vegas.  A plan check letter came back from the building department with a requirement that dozens of straps be added in unusual and completely unnecessary locations.  My supervisor agreed with me that there was no structural reason for adding those straps.  Nevertheless, I couldn't get the plan checker to acquiesce.  In desperation, I went to the building department to discuss the issue face to face with the plan checker.  When I asked him to help me understand why these straps were needed, he offered no explanation other than to condescendingly sneer down at me and exclaim, "That's engineering!" as if to imply, "Everyone that knows anything knows that."  Out of desperation to get building department sign-off, I reluctantly added the unnecessary straps to the plans.  In a gratifying twist of karma, several years later when my own structural engineering firm had grown to be one of the largest in the region, that same plan checker sent me his resume looking for a job.  He was not hired.

Whenever I'm inclined to treat someone less than well, I try to remember the words of the poem by C. R. Gibson:

                        "I have wept in the night
                         At my shortness of sight
                         That to other's needs made me blind,
                         But I never have yet
                         Felt a twinge of regret
                         For being a little too kind."

About Half Work Here

There's the occasional news story where they discover some government worker who collects pay and benefits but hasn't shown up for work in years.  Much more common is the person who retires on the job - they quit and stay - show up for work but do nothing.

Despite the potential for abuse, I've never been one for time clocks or tight supervision.  I've always believed that the best people don't need to be tightly managed - just give them the objective, provide training and resources and a good environment, set up ways to measure performance and success, and then get out of their way.

We Pass the Savings on to You

I love the one about the boss who asks the employee, "Who's the stupid one, me or you?" to which the employee responds, "Everyone knows you don't hire stupid people!"

Despite this guy's misguided strategy, experienced people know that you get the best results when you hire the best. For more cartoons making fun of the notion that you save money by hiring less-than-the-best, click here.

A Quick Meeting Prior to the Preliminary Meeting...

We all know that it takes a really good meeting to be better than no meeting at all.  This guy is definitely not one of us!

A few years ago, I came across the book "Death by Meeting" by Patrick Lencioni and had to buy it.  I can't remember a thing the book said, but the title was irresistable.

Credit for this cartoon idea goes to Brent Bauman, Architectural Project Manager at Pulte Group Southern California Division.

Delta 4

Maybe this is how it was done?  ...seems plausible to me.

I'm no expert on this, but from what I've been able to observe, the vast majority of the human race appear to be a Delta 3 model.  I do know one or two people who I suspect of being a Delta 1 or Delta 2.  It seems only a select few have advanced to Delta 4.

Who Do We Blame?

Am I the only one who's seen this?

Construction is a tough business. No design is ever perfect and no building is ever perfectly built. Most of the time everyone understands this and the design and construction teams cooperate and get the job done.  But occasionally, when stuff goes wrong, fingers start to point - usually at whoever's not in the room.

For a related cartoon, click here.

Work From Home

I know lots of people do it, but I've never worked from home so I can only assume that this cartoon is accurate.  I do know that if I worked from home I'd be dressed verrrrry comfortably - like this guy (minus the tie).  Let's just hope they don't ask him to stand up and introduce himself to the team.

For another work from home cartoon click here.

Sleep Mode

It's hard to blame this guy.  Sleep mode, low energy windows, zero energy homes and offices, energy saver mode... makes me tired just thinking about it.  Why don't they have a "high energy" mode or a "stand back 'cause this thing's about to go crazy" mode on that stuff?  Just think of the increase in productivity - after a heavy lunch or about 3:00 in the afternoon or on Fridays, hit that high energy mode button and everyone in the office instantly feels like they just drank a quart of Red Bull.

For more "low energy" cartoons, click here.

Flex Space

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's well known that zoning laws require all gyms to be built in flex space.  Just don't tell this guy it's a vanilla shell - probably wouldn't be compatible with his high protein diet.

Gotta Be More Responsive!

The supreme challenge of our time: how to be available and provide great service without being a slave to your inbox.  Can it be done?  A couple of years ago, a 4 hour response time seemed to make most email senders happy.  Today it's under an hour.  At the rate this is going, in a couple of years a response will be expected before the email is received.  

For another related "heckuva rush" cartoon click here. 

Big Box Space

Reminds me of the forts I made as a kid.  I once made a hut in my parent's basement out of an abandoned refrigerator box, moved in a sleeping bag and a lamp, and used it as my bedroom until my parents finally "repo-ed" the box and threw it out.

Wright Engineers has provided structural engineering for millions of square feet of industrial big box buildings (and not once was an abandoned refrigerator box specified on the plans - though you can click here for a project that came close).

Duck Penetration

Those dang duck penetrations always seem to show up in the wrong places!

I'm an outdoorsman and occasional hunter, though most of the time all I take home are memories.

This guy reminds me of a pretend hunter I used to know who bags "trophies" at canned hunts where tame animals are grazing on hay less than a stone's throw away.  Once as he described a recent buffalo hunt, I imagined him spotting the giant beast far off in the distance and then stalking and finally crawling through the brush to within shooting distance.  Then I saw the video - the mighty hunter rode out on a wagon towed behind a tractor to a group of tame buffalo grazing on bails of hay like cows and picked off his quarry from about 20 feet.

He's a good reason why the sign at the entrance of Bass Pro stores says "Welcome hunters, fishermen, and other liars".

For more cartoons with ducks, click here.

Try Plotting at a Smaller Scale

If only it was this easy!  It reminds me of the carpenter who cut the board twice and it was still too short.

...and the related story my dad used to tell of the new guy on the construction crew who cuts the board too short so his boss sends him to the superintendent to ask for a "board stretcher".

...or the electrician who instructs his apprentice to "wipe up the voltage drops".

...or the engineer who's told his design is an ID 10 T solution.

...or the new attorney who's sent to fetch a stack of "verbal agreement forms".

Expert Advice

Like the old saying goes, you don't have to be crazy to be in this industry, but it helps.

I feel like I can relate to this guy - especially when I'm in Lowes or Home Depot (my favorite stores) browsing for seemingly unrelated parts for some creative new home improvement project (one of my favorite things to do).   Once, and only once, I made the mistake of trying to explain to a helpful Lowes employee what I was doing.  "So you're gonna take this electrical conduit and pound the ends flat and bolt it to this thing and use it as a what?" The more I tried to explain, the more perplexed he became.  It didn't take me long to realize that whenever anyone asks me if I need help, the best course of action is to quickly say, "Nope, I'm good thanks", and then go back to talking to myself.

For another cartoon relating to the mental health of design professionals, click here.