I Said GLU-lam!

George Bernard Shaw famously said, "The single best problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

I've worn out countless red pens marking up engineers' memos so they actually say what the engineer thinks it says.  It's like there's a crystal clear picture of exactly what the engineer's thinking in an imaginary bubble floating over his head as he writes.  Unfortunately, that picture can get lost in translation and there may be an entirely different picture in the imaginary bubble floating over the head of the person reading it.  When this happens, you get situations like these (click here).

One helpful rule of communication I learned at home as a kid:  "Better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt".

Computer Modeling

There are a lot of good reasons why we humble engineers aren't necessarily known for our charisma or our good looks, but we do have a lot of modeling experience.  Every day we make computer models of buildings, and we place these models under high wind and earthquake forces so that when the building is built and an actual earthquake or wind storm hits, the building will stay safely standing.

Some engineers also go on a lot of model walks.

And you could say that this guy's a model engineer - three pencils at the ready in his chest pocket, thick glasses to see every detail, a physique made for long hours sitting behind a desk, and his left hand at the ready on the calculator in his jacket pocket.

Try Plotting at a Smaller Scale

If only it was this easy!  It reminds me of the carpenter who cut the board twice and it was still too short.

...and the related story my dad used to tell of the new guy on the construction crew who cuts the board too short so his boss sends him to the superintendent to ask for a "board stretcher".

...or the electrician who instructs his apprentice to "wipe up the voltage drops".

...or the engineer who's told his design is an ID 10 T solution.

...or the new attorney who's sent to fetch a stack of "verbal agreement forms".

Expert Advice

Like the old saying goes, you don't have to be crazy to be in this industry, but it helps.

I feel like I can relate to this guy - especially when I'm in Lowes or Home Depot (my favorite stores) browsing for seemingly unrelated parts for some creative new home improvement project (one of my favorite things to do).   Once, and only once, I made the mistake of trying to explain to a helpful Lowes employee what I was doing.  "So you're gonna take this electrical conduit and pound the ends flat and bolt it to this thing and use it as a what?" The more I tried to explain, the more perplexed he became.  It didn't take me long to realize that whenever anyone asks me if I need help, the best course of action is to quickly say, "Nope, I'm good thanks", and then go back to talking to myself.

For another cartoon relating to the mental health of design professionals, click here.

Too Much Stress

After a lifetime in the construction industry, both as a structural engineer and as a builder, I've learned that there's always more than one way to solve a problem - and often the builder has the better idea. 

...but I'm not so sure about this guy.

Other brilliant things I've learned:  measure twice, cut once; the north arrow does not mean "this side up"; the boss may not always be right, but the boss is always the boss; treat people how you want to be treated; and all's well that ends.

You Think These Things Grow on Trees?

From the time I was about age 11, I spent a good part of summer vacations at the construction site building houses with my dad who had a small construction company.  One day we were framing a house and had just nailed down the plywood over the floor framing.  Dad told me to go down and throw up some studs so we could start framing the walls.  After waiting a few minutes and no studs, he walked over to the edge to see what was the hold-up.  As soon as he appeared over the edge of the house, I bent over and began retching and heaving loudly as if I was trying to vomit.  Finally I looked up and said, "Dad, I've tried and tried but I just can't 'throw up' any studs".  We had a good laugh, and then it was back to work.

Unlike this guy, we never had a crane to lift our trusses.  Instead, we hefted them up by hand one at a time.  It was always a relief when the roof trusses were all safely standing in place.

Big Enough Fer The Both of Us

If only they'd built those old west towns a bit bigger, there might have been a lot fewer gunfights. 

I can see it now:  Two rough characters square off at twenty paces in the middle of town wearing tool belts and slinging nail guns.  "This here town just ain't big enough fer the both of us", one would say, "so me 'n my gang'll start buildin' over there and you'n yer gang c'n build over here." 

Jedi Construction Tricks

I guess you can't blame this guy for trying.  The inspector's probably thinking to himself, "You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I'm an inspector.  Mind tricks don't work on me.  Only right. No right, no pass!"

Sometimes we humble engineers are asked to work some Jedi magic, like when we get an urgent phone call from the jobsite with the superintendent on the other end saying, "We accidentally forgot to put any rebar in the footings and walls and now the inspector won't pass us.  Can you just get me a letter for that?" 

For more cartoons with inspectors and "...can you get me a letter for that?" click here.

My Plan...

We need to get our politicians talking about the stuff that really matters - like this!  It reminds me of the speech Pedro Sanchez gave when he was running for class president in the movie Napoleon Dynamite:  "If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true. Thank you."

Seriously, I'm grateful to those brave souls who are willing to run for public office.  Let's just hope those who get elected remember that they're public servants, not the people's master.

CYA PPE

CYA (cover your a_ _ or as I say it, cover your "anatomy") is like the ridiculous warning label on a microwave oven that says, "NOT TO BE USED FOR DRYING PETS".  The reason for this CYA PPE is usually blamed on our "litigious society", though statistics seem to indicate that we may not be as litigious as we think.  Either way - reality or perception - the fear of litigation can lead to excessive caution, absurd warning labels, and a lot of CYA.   And when people act defensively for the sole reason of avoiding liability, it costs everyone time and money.

SUPER-intendent

This guy's obviously enthusiastic about his job title - and proud of it.  I say good for him!  If being super-enthusiastic and unashamed to show it makes you a nerd, then so be it.  As John Green observed, "When people call people nerds, mostly what they're saying is 'You like stuff', which is not an insult at all".  It's people who are super excited about things that make the world an interesting place.

Neil Armstrong was commander of Apollo 11 and the first man to set foot on the moon, yet he was a self-professed nerd who was in love with math and science and engineering. "I am," he said, "and ever will be, a white-socks, pocket protector, nerdy engineer. Born under the Second Law of Thermodynamics, ...in love with free body diagrams, transformed by Laplace and propelled by compressible flow... Science is about what is. Engineering is about what can be." (See a terrific short video with his complete quote here)

You go! Mr. SUPERintendent... We nerds need to stick together.

Conflict of Interest



I see no problem here...  This fox looks like he's a vegetarian.

Saw it on YouTube

How'd anyone ever make it before YouTube?  This guy's got the idea - why waste your time on a degree and on-the-job training when you can bypass all that stuff and just watch how to do it on YouTube!  If someone ever posts some YouTube videos on how to engineer a building, I might be out of a job. 

Thought He'd Save Money

The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low price is forgotten.

This poor guy learned the hard way that saving pennies by hiring the lowest priced designer could greatly increase bottom-line costs.  Quality design requires adequate time and the right people to do it.  Cut-rate design may still "work", but often the final cost of the project is many times greater than the small difference in fee between the best designer and the cheap guy.

For a bunch of similar cartoons poking fun at the notion that cheap is really cheaper, click on the "Cheap" category link on the right sidebar.

"There is nothing more expensive than hiring cheap engineers."

                               - Bob Sheeran, Xavier University

Volume's waaaay up!

It feels like we have to compete with this guy a lot more than we should.  He's like the farmer who grew watermelons for $2.00 each, sold them for $1.75, and decided the way he could make more money was to get a bigger truck!

Will Knotchange

I'm a believer that to be the best we must continually strive for improvement and that we can't become what we want by remaining what we are.  And it's impossible to improve if we're not open to change.  We all know people who are so blindly confident or set in their ways that they refuse to consider that there may be a better way.  It's even worse if that person pretends to be open to change, but they have no intention of actually following through.  Those people drive me crazy.  This one's for them.

For cartoons of more people like this guy, click here and here. 

Reindeer Games

I've seen enough Christmas shows to know that Santa's elves are always studious and hard at work making toys in the workshop, but the reindeer?  They have nothing to do except for one night a year.

With all that time on their hands, they've got to do something to keep themselves entertained.

A "Ninjaneer"

Credit for this one goes to Tye Havey, our partner who oversees Wright Engineers' two Arizona offices.  Here's the email exchange:

Tye: Cartoon Idea:  Sometimes I walk quietly  - or come in through a back door - or forget to tell someone when I'm coming or going.  We've started calling me a 'ninja-neer'.  Seems like it could be adapted for a good cartoon somehow.

Me: (with cartoon attached) The fruit of your inspiration.  He does sorta look like you.

Tye: I love it.  And yes, it looks a lot like me in my pajamas :)

All I know is I wouldn't want to mess with an engineer with serious "plan"-chuck skills.

Inspected and Special Inspected!

Last month's cartoon showed a high schooler sandwich inspector proudly serving up a BLT.  This time it seemed like a good idea to add a special inspector.  After all, if one inspection is good, two's gotta be twice as good, right?  Especially if it's a designer gourmet sandwich - no way you can trust the plain old inspector to make sure it's whole grain bread and real mayo.

As a structural engineer, I certainly appreciate the need for special inspection on critical elements of a project (and since we offer special inspection services, I'm very glad it's required) - but I can't help feeling a bit bad for the plain old inspector.  Do we not trust him?  The way things are going, one day the poor guy'll be out of  a job unless he becomes more... well, special.

And if you think it's bad for the plain old inspector, consider the poor mason.  Unless his masonry work is inspected by BOTH the plain old inspector AND a special inspector, his work is trusted to be only HALF as strong as it could be.  Talk about a lack of confidence in your work.  It's a wonder they all don't have a complex.

For all the abuse the inspector gets, though, he can hold his head high knowing that in a very real way he's helping to make his community a better and safer place.  All you have to do is read about the horrific death toll due to collapsed buildings after almost every earthquake in a third-world country to appreciate the quality construction the inspector is enforcing.  He or she deserves a hug.

For more cartoons having fun at the expense of our inspector friends, click here.

Inspected!

I'm a believer that the best way to make sure a job is done well is to build quality into every system and process.  That prevents most problems from ever occurring.  An inspection to catch mistakes after its all done is good, but it's much better (and cheaper and faster) to not make those mistakes in the first place.

This cartoon reminds me of Sunday dinner at my house.  Most Sunday afternoons, all 17 of our kids and grandkids gather at our house for dinner.  As the little ones play, the adults assemble in the kitchen to prepare the meal.  I personally provide so much "quality control" while we're cooking that sometimes I'm no longer hungry by the time the meal's finally ready.

I thought it would be fun to show a high schooler proudly delivering a fully "quality inspected" sandwich to his customer.  At least he can personally attest that it is delicious.

For more inspector cartoons, click here.