A Letter To Certify Your Letter

Why do some people seem to feel that the more times the engineer signs his name the better?  If they had their way, engineers would spend the majority of their day signing their name to certify that they certify that what they already certified was certified.

This one was inspired by a state inspector on a certain California medical project who literally demanded something quite similar to the caption of this cartoon.  And despite how ridiculous the demand, we were forced to acquiesce to keep the project moving.

...The Rest Was Just Wasted

Mine is power tools.  In fact, a sticker on a tool cabinet in my workshop says, "My greatest fear is that when I die my wife will sell my tools for what I said I paid for them."

Inspiration for this one was stolen from my brother-in-law who is a pilot for Fed Ex and has been obsessed with flying his entire life.  He wore a t-shirt to a family reunion that said, "I've spent 99% of my money on aviation, the rest was just wasted."

Rates Only Up 18% This Year

Did I miss it? 

When was the "affordable" part of the Affordable Care Act actually supposed to kick in?  Our health insurance renewal rates continue to go up every year, and it's workers and their families who are stuck getting less and less for more and more.

Studies I've seen claim that insurance companies spend only about 80% of our healthcare dollar on actual medical treatment.  They pocket the other 20% to cover the "value" they add to our healthcare - things like slick marketing, bureaucracy, claims delayers/deniers, lawyers, and profit I suppose.

An Engineer in Hell

The story goes that an engineer dies and is mistakenly sent to hell.  Before long, he's dissatisfied with the poor conditions in hell and he goes to work making improvements.  Soon hell no longer feels much like hell and the engineer has become very popular with the residents.  One day God calls down to Satan to see how things are going in hell.  "Everything's great!" Satan replies.  "We have air conditioning and cable TV and flushing toilets.  Who knows what my engineer will come up with next."  "You've got an engineer?!" says God.  "There's been a mistake!  Send him up here immediately or I'll sue!"  Satan smirks and replies, "And where do you think you're gonna find a lawyer?"

Gonna Make Engineering Great Again!

The fact is, the development and construction business is booming again, and that's great for all of us.

An actual statement attributed to Donald Trump involving engineers: "...My uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart..."

Credit for this one goes to Tom Allen from our Irvine office.  He and Scott Jones were discussing ways to make our company "Engineertopia" when Tom said, "we need to make engineering great again!"  Just then they looked at each other with "Eureka" expressions, slapped high five, and sent me their idea for a cartoon.

For a related cartoon of people who (just coincidentally, of course) resemble Bernie and Hillary, click here.

Hierarchy of Urgency

Which one gets top priority:  critical?  urgent?  ASAP?  Immediately?  And what if there's a bunch of exclamation points?  Do you handle plain old "ASAP" before you get to "ASAP!!"?  Then what about ASAP!!! or ASAP!!!!?  If ASAP means "as soon as possible", what if it's not possible because you're working on something that's "needed yesterday"?  And if it's needed yesterday and yesterday is gone, does that mean it's no longer needed?

For more "heckuva rush" cartoons, click here.

Eye Trouble

I can relate to this guy ...and his "serious" medical condition.  My dad used to tell me "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy".  I still have no idea who Jack was, but I took that saying to heart and have never regretted it.  Work hard - play hard is one of our company values, and definitely one of my own.

No one wants to look back on their life from their death bed and regret that they spent too much time making a living and not enough time actually living.  I love the quote by Michael Landon: "Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying.  Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day.  Do it!  I say, whatever you want to do, do it now!  There are only so many tomorrows."

Starved to Death at His Desk

If only all those "this'll just take a minute" interruptions actually just took a minute, I'd have a lot more time on my hands.  Why does someone always stop you just as you're sprinting out of the office late for an appointment?  

And while I'm at it, I have other questions... 

Does being cross-eyed cure dyslexia? 

Why do lawyers call what they do "practice", yet bill at $500 an hour?  

Why can one careless match start a forest fire yet it takes a whole box to light a campfire?  

If a mime is arrested, do they still tell him he has the right to remain silent?  

If it's zero degrees today, but it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?  

What was the best thing before sliced bread?  

...deep mysteries of life that may never be solved.

Need A Few More Days...

This poor guy just can't unplug - even when he's on vacation.  ...and he feels guilty if anyone discovers he's not behind his desk at the office.  Since when is it a badge of honor to not have a life?  "Work hard, play hard" may mean different things to different people, but to me it means work smart and efficiently to get your job done at work, and then enjoy your evenings and weekends and vacations.

Inspiration for this one came from our recent company-wide 20th anniversary celebration cruise to Mexico.

For a few more related cartoons, click here.

One Of My Core Values

According to his boss, it would be a moral transgression to violate the company's core values, so this guy would be wrong to violate his own, right?  Makes sense to me.  At least you can't blame him for trying.  

This guy's boss makes a big deal when he shows up late, but I wonder if he ever notices the late hours this guy puts in.  As long as clients and co-workers are happy and the job gets done, I think high performers should be given the freedom they need.

How Do I Block All Emails...

My in-box size could be cut in half if I could just stop all those emails with the "good news" about my inheritance of millions from some long lost rich Nigerian  relative - all I gotta do is send a copy of my ID and bank account number "entirely risk free" to Barrister so-and-so and he'll "secure the funds" and wire me my rightful share post haste!  Who are these people?  And more importantly, who are the numskulls who respond to these emails?  Somebody must be doing it.  It's probably this guy.

I Don't Mean to be Condescending

This old guy seems to have forgotten that today's young whipper snapper just may be his boss tomorrow.  Reminds me of an experience early in my engineering career...

As a rookie engineer, I had completed the structural design for a large custom home in Las Vegas.  A plan check letter came back from the building department with a requirement that dozens of straps be added in unusual and completely unnecessary locations.  My supervisor agreed with me that there was no structural reason for adding those straps.  Nevertheless, I couldn't get the plan checker to acquiesce.  In desperation, I went to the building department to discuss the issue face to face with the plan checker.  When I asked him to help me understand why these straps were needed, he offered no explanation other than to condescendingly sneer down at me and exclaim, "That's engineering!" as if to imply, "Everyone that knows anything knows that."  Out of desperation to get building department sign-off, I reluctantly added the unnecessary straps to the plans.  In a gratifying twist of karma, several years later when my own structural engineering firm had grown to be one of the largest in the region, that same plan checker sent me his resume looking for a job.  He was not hired.

Whenever I'm inclined to treat someone less than well, I try to remember the words of the poem by C. R. Gibson:

                        "I have wept in the night
                         At my shortness of sight
                         That to other's needs made me blind,
                         But I never have yet
                         Felt a twinge of regret
                         For being a little too kind."

About Half Work Here

There's the occasional news story where they discover some government worker who collects pay and benefits but hasn't shown up for work in years.  Much more common is the person who retires on the job - they quit and stay - show up for work but do nothing.

Despite the potential for abuse, I've never been one for time clocks or tight supervision.  I've always believed that the best people don't need to be tightly managed - just give them the objective, provide training and resources and a good environment, set up ways to measure performance and success, and then get out of their way.

We Pass the Savings on to You

I love the one about the boss who asks the employee, "Who's the stupid one, me or you?" to which the employee responds, "Everyone knows you don't hire stupid people!"

Despite this guy's misguided strategy, experienced people know that you get the best results when you hire the best. For more cartoons making fun of the notion that you save money by hiring less-than-the-best, click here.

A Quick Meeting Prior to the Preliminary Meeting...

We all know that it takes a really good meeting to be better than no meeting at all.  This guy is definitely not one of us!

A few years ago, I came across the book "Death by Meeting" by Patrick Lencioni and had to buy it.  I can't remember a thing the book said, but the title was irresistable.

Credit for this cartoon idea goes to Brent Bauman, Architectural Project Manager at Pulte Group Southern California Division.

Where'd I Leave My Glasses?

I never thought this would be me...  Funny how life surprises you as you get older. When my kids were younger, I could blame them for misplacing whatever it was I was looking for. Most of the time they had nothing to do with it. Now that the kids are all moved out, I'm resigned to accept the fact that it's my own fault.

Credit for this one comes from Doug Evans, PE who came up with the idea.  Doug's email:

"For years, I wondered why something I knew I had and was searching all over the place for was always in the last place I looked.  I finally figured it out.  Once I find it, I ain't stupid enough to continue looking for it.  Well, even an engineer can be a little slow sometimes.  Just to prove myself wrong, one time I found what I was looking for and continued looking for it."

Delta 4

Maybe this is how it was done?  ...seems plausible to me.

I'm no expert on this, but from what I've been able to observe, the vast majority of the human race appear to be a Delta 3 model.  I do know one or two people who I suspect of being a Delta 1 or Delta 2.  It seems only a select few have advanced to Delta 4.

Who Do We Blame?

Am I the only one who's seen this?

Construction is a tough business. No design is ever perfect and no building is ever perfectly built. Most of the time everyone understands this and the design and construction teams cooperate and get the job done.  But occasionally, when stuff goes wrong, fingers start to point - usually at whoever's not in the room.

For a related cartoon, click here.

Years 'Til Retirement

The average age most Americans think they'll retire is now 66 and moving up.  Sometimes I wonder if this guy might be me one day!  Good thing I love what I do.  Let's hope by then there are self-driving autonomous wheel chairs.

Cider Security Expert

It's all over the news. We need more cyber security! Russians hack DNC emails. A billion Yahoo accounts are compromised. Hundreds of hackers crammed in sweat shops working for nation states, terrorist groups and crime syndicates. It's like a war.

... and we need a no-nonsense guy like this to protect us.