How Do I Block All Emails...

My in-box size could be cut in half if I could just stop all those emails with the "good news" about my inheritance of millions from some long lost rich Nigerian  relative - all I gotta do is send a copy of my ID and bank account number "entirely risk free" to Barrister so-and-so and he'll "secure the funds" and wire me my rightful share post haste!  Who are these people?  And more importantly, who are the numskulls who respond to these emails?  Somebody must be doing it.  It's probably this guy.

I Don't Mean to be Condescending

This old guy seems to have forgotten that today's young whipper snapper just may be his boss tomorrow.  Reminds me of an experience early in my engineering career...

As a rookie engineer, I had completed the structural design for a large custom home in Las Vegas.  A plan check letter came back from the building department with a requirement that dozens of straps be added in unusual and completely unnecessary locations.  My supervisor agreed with me that there was no structural reason for adding those straps.  Nevertheless, I couldn't get the plan checker to acquiesce.  In desperation, I went to the building department to discuss the issue face to face with the plan checker.  When I asked him to help me understand why these straps were needed, he offered no explanation other than to condescendingly sneer down at me and exclaim, "That's engineering!" as if to imply, "Everyone that knows anything knows that."  Out of desperation to get building department sign-off, I reluctantly added the unnecessary straps to the plans.  In a gratifying twist of karma, several years later when my own structural engineering firm had grown to be one of the largest in the region, that same plan checker sent me his resume looking for a job.  He was not hired.

Whenever I'm inclined to treat someone less than well, I try to remember the words of the poem by C. R. Gibson:

                        "I have wept in the night
                         At my shortness of sight
                         That to other's needs made me blind,
                         But I never have yet
                         Felt a twinge of regret
                         For being a little too kind."

About Half Work Here

There's the occasional news story where they discover some government worker who collects pay and benefits but hasn't shown up for work in years.  Much more common is the person who retires on the job - they quit and stay - show up for work but do nothing.

Despite the potential for abuse, I've never been one for time clocks or tight supervision.  I've always believed that the best people don't need to be tightly managed - just give them the objective, provide training and resources and a good environment, set up ways to measure performance and success, and then get out of their way.

We Pass the Savings on to You

I love the one about the boss who asks the employee, "Who's the stupid one, me or you?" to which the employee responds, "Everyone knows you don't hire stupid people!"

Despite this guy's misguided strategy, experienced people know that you get the best results when you hire the best. For more cartoons making fun of the notion that you save money by hiring less-than-the-best, click here.

A Quick Meeting Prior to the Preliminary Meeting...

We all know that it takes a really good meeting to be better than no meeting at all.  This guy is definitely not one of us!

A few years ago, I came across the book "Death by Meeting" by Patrick Lencioni and had to buy it.  I can't remember a thing the book said, but the title was irresistable.

Credit for this cartoon idea goes to Brent Bauman, Architectural Project Manager at Pulte Group Southern California Division.

Where'd I Leave My Glasses?

I never thought this would be me...  Funny how life surprises you as you get older. When my kids were younger, I could blame them for misplacing whatever it was I was looking for. Most of the time they had nothing to do with it. Now that the kids are all moved out, I'm resigned to accept the fact that it's my own fault.

Credit for this one comes from Doug Evans, PE who came up with the idea.  Doug's email:

"For years, I wondered why something I knew I had and was searching all over the place for was always in the last place I looked.  I finally figured it out.  Once I find it, I ain't stupid enough to continue looking for it.  Well, even an engineer can be a little slow sometimes.  Just to prove myself wrong, one time I found what I was looking for and continued looking for it."

Delta 4

Maybe this is how it was done?  ...seems plausible to me.

I'm no expert on this, but from what I've been able to observe, the vast majority of the human race appear to be a Delta 3 model.  I do know one or two people who I suspect of being a Delta 1 or Delta 2.  It seems only a select few have advanced to Delta 4.

Who Do We Blame?

Am I the only one who's seen this?

Construction is a tough business. No design is ever perfect and no building is ever perfectly built. Most of the time everyone understands this and the design and construction teams cooperate and get the job done.  But occasionally, when stuff goes wrong, fingers start to point - usually at whoever's not in the room.

For a related cartoon, click here.

Years 'Til Retirement

The average age most Americans think they'll retire is now 66 and moving up.  Sometimes I wonder if this guy might be me one day!  Good thing I love what I do.  Let's hope by then there are self-driving autonomous wheel chairs.

Cider Security Expert

It's all over the news. We need more cyber security! Russians hack DNC emails. A billion Yahoo accounts are compromised. Hundreds of hackers crammed in sweat shops working for nation states, terrorist groups and crime syndicates. It's like a war.

... and we need a no-nonsense guy like this to protect us.

Work From Home

I know lots of people do it, but I've never worked from home so I can only assume that this cartoon is accurate.  I do know that if I worked from home I'd be dressed verrrrry comfortably - like this guy (minus the tie).  Let's just hope they don't ask him to stand up and introduce himself to the team.

For another work from home cartoon click here.

Working Like a Dog

How the heck did the term "work like a dog" come to mean working really hard?  With the exception of sled dogs and some service animals, I've never seen man's best friend actually work all that hard. On the other hand, most dogs are really good at playing hard, which is usually followed by a good nap.  I can relate to that.

Sleep Mode

It's hard to blame this guy.  Sleep mode, low energy windows, zero energy homes and offices, energy saver mode... makes me tired just thinking about it.  Why don't they have a "high energy" mode or a "stand back 'cause this thing's about to go crazy" mode on that stuff?  Just think of the increase in productivity - after a heavy lunch or about 3:00 in the afternoon or on Fridays, hit that high energy mode button and everyone in the office instantly feels like they just drank a quart of Red Bull.

For more "low energy" cartoons, click here.

Flex Space

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's well known that zoning laws require all gyms to be built in flex space.  Just don't tell this guy it's a vanilla shell - probably wouldn't be compatible with his high protein diet.

Gotta Be More Responsive!

The supreme challenge of our time: how to be available and provide great service without being a slave to your inbox.  Can it be done?  A couple of years ago, a 4 hour response time seemed to make most email senders happy.  Today it's under an hour.  At the rate this is going, in a couple of years a response will be expected before the email is received.  

For another related "heckuva rush" cartoon click here. 

Big Box Space

Reminds me of the forts I made as a kid.  I once made a hut in my parent's basement out of an abandoned refrigerator box, moved in a sleeping bag and a lamp, and used it as my bedroom until my parents finally "repo-ed" the box and threw it out.

Wright Engineers has provided structural engineering for millions of square feet of industrial big box buildings (and not once was an abandoned refrigerator box specified on the plans - though you can click here for a project that came close).

Duck Penetration

Those dang duck penetrations always seem to show up in the wrong places!

I'm an outdoorsman and occasional hunter, though most of the time all I take home are memories.

This guy reminds me of a pretend hunter I used to know who bags "trophies" at canned hunts where tame animals are grazing on hay less than a stone's throw away.  Once as he described a recent buffalo hunt, I imagined him spotting the giant beast far off in the distance and then stalking and finally crawling through the brush to within shooting distance.  Then I saw the video - the mighty hunter rode out on a wagon towed behind a tractor to a group of tame buffalo grazing on bails of hay like cows and picked off his quarry from about 20 feet.

He's a good reason why the sign at the entrance of Bass Pro stores says "Welcome hunters, fishermen, and other liars".

For more cartoons with ducks, click here.

I Said GLU-lam!

George Bernard Shaw famously said, "The single best problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

I've worn out countless red pens marking up engineers' memos so they actually say what the engineer thinks it says.  It's like there's a crystal clear picture of exactly what the engineer's thinking in an imaginary bubble floating over his head as he writes.  Unfortunately, that picture can get lost in translation and there may be an entirely different picture in the imaginary bubble floating over the head of the person reading it.  When this happens, you get situations like these (click here).

One helpful rule of communication I learned at home as a kid:  "Better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt".

Computer Modeling

There are a lot of good reasons why we humble engineers aren't necessarily known for our charisma or our good looks, but we do have a lot of modeling experience.  Every day we make computer models of buildings, and we place these models under high wind and earthquake forces so that when the building is built and an actual earthquake or wind storm hits, the building will stay safely standing.

Some engineers also go on a lot of model walks.

And you could say that this guy's a model engineer - three pencils at the ready in his chest pocket, thick glasses to see every detail, a physique made for long hours sitting behind a desk, and his left hand at the ready on the calculator in his jacket pocket.

Try Plotting at a Smaller Scale

If only it was this easy!  It reminds me of the carpenter who cut the board twice and it was still too short.

...and the related story my dad used to tell of the new guy on the construction crew who cuts the board too short so his boss sends him to the superintendent to ask for a "board stretcher".

...or the electrician who instructs his apprentice to "wipe up the voltage drops".

...or the engineer who's told his design is an ID 10 T solution.

...or the new attorney who's sent to fetch a stack of "verbal agreement forms".